For Sale, Comedy Special

Written By J. Russel

Wanted: Lightweight flickable magician’s cape, medium length, satin, black/red reversible.

For sale: Foot-in, lowland silverback gorilla costume, 3XLT, with lumbar support. Moderate wear. Small stain of indeterminate origin on lower left shin.

Wanted: Boy’s red, Converse high-top sneaker, left foot only, size 6 ½ EEE.

Wanted: Alchemist’s formula to turn base metal into gold and/or restore hair. Will pay top dollar.

Wanted: 1610 first edition of Shakespeare’s folio of “knock-knock” jokes in acceptable condition without highlighting or underlining. Will trade for used, very good condition, hard-to-find, autographed copy of the bard’s “Roses Are Red” 1612 poetry chapbook.

For sale: Filene’s “Basement Sale” double-knit, rayon blend, stretch fabric bridal dress, size 26, ecru, with matching veil and size 12W open toe “Latin” pumps dyed to match.

For sale: Vintage 1952 Boy Scout sash with 22 merit badges. Many badges are duplicates suggesting the scout suffered from an obsessive compulsive or multiple personality disorder.

For sale: Dress sword, scabbard, belt buckle, and shoulder epaulets of the late Milo “Hard Bark” Hawkins, Supreme and Exalted Commander of The Benevolent and Fraternal Order of Honey Badgers, Den 232.

Wanted: Clown car, preferably yellow, 20 clown minimum capacity.